You were created by God to live in community. You were meant to exercise independence while needing the interdependence of others to be the best version of yourself. But, what do you do when you feel invisible? When it seems like those you rub shoulders with couldn’t care less if you existed at all? And when you feel more hurt by people than helped?
You may, at least temporarily, wish to be shipwrecked alone on a deserted island to avoid the pain. That way, you’ll at least be able to live out the rest of your earthly existence without any more rejection. Few who’ve felt the hurt of no one seemingly caring could blame you. Because being rejected stings to the soul.
It’s also possible you feel starved for affection and alone in the world. And since a big part of unraveling your unique gifts involves the insight and encouragement of others, much of your greater life purpose could be eluding you, making you feel unproductive and discouraged.
Have you ever caught yourself saying any of the following phrases either out loud or internally?
“No one cares.”
“Nobody likes me.”
“No one loves me.”
“I have no one to talk to.”
“I have no one.”
“I am nobody.”
“No one wants me.”
“No one wants to be my friend.”
“Nobody listens to me.”
“No one talks to me.”
“Why do I always feel lonely?”
“No one would care if I died.”
“I feel like no one understands me.”
“No one needs me.”
“No one calls me.”
“I feel so alone and depressed.”
“Nobody talks to me.”
These aren’t made-up phrases. Hundreds and thousands of people type these words and questions into Google each month in the US alone. Perhaps you’re one of them. Asking Google these questions isn’t necessarily wrong. But what if we stopped asking what Google thinks for a moment and started asking God what He thinks?
Those phrases are pretty hopeless sounding, aren’t they? Heartbreaking actually. More than anyone else, God hurts for people who hurt that deeply.
People are searching. People are struggling. People need God. All of us do.
What do you do when it feels like no one cares about you? Here are some additional thoughts to help when you feel unloved.
Let Your Rejection Lead You to God
Could there be a greater hurt than believing there’s no point to your existence and that your life is meaningless or worthless? That you’re incapable of being loved? Probably not. That’s pretty low. That’s psychological pain at its greatest.
Even the best people in this world still have sinful hearts. It’s just a matter of time until they let you down. There’s only One who will perfectly answer all of your hurts with Hope. Only God will and only God is able.
We’re all extremely limited and maimed creatures. Even the most healed among us still walks with quite a limp. Take your eyes off of people. Even their best efforts to meet your need for love and belonging will come up way short.
That isn’t to say human relationships are pointless or a waste of time. They’re still highly valuable. It’s just that, until you find God, your deepest need for love will be left unfulfilled. And even once you know God in this life, you’ll still struggle to have the right perspective until Heaven.
As God’s children, we live in a sinful world and that makes it tough to accurately assess our worth or the worth of others. No one believes you hold more value than God does though. And his opinion is the only one of consequence. Let your loneliness drive you to God because He deeply cares about you.
Jesus Felt Exactly Like You Do While on Earth and Can Empathize
The feelings of rejection and loneliness are bound to come at some point. It’s pretty much guaranteed. As Christ-followers, we’re commanded to walk as Jesus did and sometimes that means traveling a lonely road. There will inevitably be times when we’ll be misunderstood and hated. Even Jesus couldn’t escape that.
Jesus understands that loneliness better than all of us because He dealt intensely with that pain but remained sinless. He struggled and poured his heart out to his Father during the pain. He let it draw Him closer to his Father instead of further away. By God’s strength, we can do the same thing.
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
Jesus was also called a man of sorrows. He knew what it was like to be hated and it hurt his heart because, although He remained sinless, He was still human. Rejection still pained Him badly and wore Him down. Jesus didn’t want to be misunderstood, but it was necessary for our benefit. He felt every sting of hatred and lies spoken about Him.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.”
Jesus also felt the intense pain of rejection from the Jewish people He came to minister to. At the crucifixion, He experienced the unbearable agony of separation from the Father too.
And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? (Matthew 27:46)
Regardless of how you may feel at the moment, you are of incalculable value to God. Human love is but a drop of water compared to the deep river of God’s love. He risked everything and gave up all to save you from your sin. Through the sacrifice of Jesus, all of your sins can be forgiven and washed clean.
That way, you can enjoy the love of God in this life and experience it like never before in the life to come. Yes, it hurts to feel abandoned. Yes, it feels terrible when we feel all alone in this world.
Just don’t forget that Jesus felt the same thing and that He understands. Whatever you do, don’t do what us wounded human beings are so prone to and run from God because of your loneliness, hurt and rejection.
Instead, run to God because of your pain. He’s the only One who can heal such deep wounds. And each of us has them whether we acknowledge it or not. Eventually, He will perfectly heal his children’s’ hurts resulting from rejection. We’ll forever live in God’s perfect acceptance. By faith, we eagerly wait for that day!
In the meantime, admit the rejection you feel from people to God. Other people may ostracize you and try to make you feel “uniquely damaged” if you share such vulnerable hurts.
One thing’s for sure, though. God knows exactly how that rejection feels. You don’t have to portray a fake image of success to Him like the current-day culture may pressure you to do. After all, God the Son didn’t even have a place to lay his head while on earth. He would’ve been a complete failure materially and socially speaking.
No formal education. No house or land. No wife or kids. Often scorned by those He sacrificed everything to help and ultimately rejected to the point of death. From a worldly point of view, He possessed nothing that mattered. In reality, He possessed everything. He had the favor of his Father in Heaven and perfectly carried out his earthly mission.
Most people spend their entire lives at war with God. But what happiness awaits those who find a restored relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Death will be nothing but the doorway real life! Like Jesus, your suffering and rejection by people won’t last. You will taste the eternal favor of God. A favor so beautiful and compelling that you’ll wonder why you ever worried about the often cheap and petty opinions of people.
So, when you struggle with rejection, remember that Jesus experienced the same thing. He was victorious over sin when we couldn’t be. That way, our struggles will one day be completely gone in Heaven if we turn over our allegiance to Him.
Evaluate Your Self-Defeating Thoughts
If you feel like no one cares about you, it can be frightening or embarrassing to admit that to someone. That would take serious vulnerability. And you may worry someone will think you’re “crazy” or weak or that they may tell others about your struggle. The truth is we all go through times like this. And the mental anguish of these moments can be overwhelming and suffocating.
Many times, you don’t simply feel this unloved only because of others’ interactions with you. We can often be even more critical of ourselves in our inner thoughts than other people are with us. And there’s no way to get away from that without some drastic heart changes. After all, we can distance ourselves from unusually mean people. That doesn’t work so well when we become one of our greatest enemies though.
There’s more to it than that, however. We also have an enemy named Satan who works overtime to make us believe we’re unlovable. He constantly slips lies into our internal dialogue. And if we don’t confront those lies with God’s truth while depending on his power, those mistruths become more frequent, powerful and difficult to resist.
In time, they can be accepted as “truth.” Satan attacks us in this way because he knows that once we become this defeated, we’ll be all the more unlikely to seek forgiveness from God or embrace healthy relationships with others. Unless things change, we’ll live out the rest of our lives in utter defeat and run the danger of never making peace with God before entering eternity.
For this reason, carefully evaluate every thought that comes into your mind, especially the self-defeating ones. Give those thoughts and feelings to God and let Him teach you the truth. Don’t stop until you make “every thought obedient to Christ.”
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)
The more we do that, the harder it’ll be for Satan to crowd our inner consciousness with these destructive lies. Don’t believe everything others tell you and don’t believe everything you tell yourself. Evaluate your thoughts through the truth of the Bible and what Christ says about you. What Christ says about you and me through his shed blood is far better than anything we could’ve thought up anyway.
You Need a Better Strategy Than Gritting Your Teeth and Trying Harder
Some of our pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps cultures would tell you to “just get over it” when you feel abandoned by others. To stop wallowing in self-pity and ignore such thoughts. While that may work for a while, there’s one fundamental problem with that strategy—You don’t get to the root of the struggle.
Rather, ask, “Why do you feel this way? Why do you feel so low?” And most importantly, “What is the truth?” If your self-defeating thoughts of no one caring were true, then most under those circumstances would wonder why you should even bother going on with life.
But, from scripture, we know these hopeless thoughts are the height of lies. Satan wants you to feel unloved and worthless. He knows if you go that route, you’ll attempt to drown out your sorrows with all types of sin that will only make a mess of your life.
Sure, in the short term, you may feel a little better by self-medicating your pain with sin or lesser pursuits instead of going to God about your hurts. However, in the long run, you’ll feel much worse when you listen to that hopeless internal script.
Feeling worse will only increase your temptation to numb your pain in ways that aren’t healthy or right. And, as you can see, that path becomes a perpetual downward spiral. The more you indulge the sinful nature, the more it demands of you and the harder it is to break free. What first felt like something you were master of turns out to be your master.
That’s the enemy’s ultimate goal for you. He wants to make you unfruitful. He wants to destroy your life and, ultimately, to doom your eternal soul. He’s referred to as the “god of this age.”
…whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. (2 Corinthians 4:4)
Notice the lower-case “g” in that verse when referring to, “the god of this age”? What that means is, as powerful as he is, Satan and his demonic followers are still limited, created beings. God has the final say in how things turn out. And, God decides your value, not the enemy.
For that reason, give your hopeless thoughts to God and evaluate them through the scriptures. And don’t fall for the ploy of Satan telling you that you’re unlovable.
Reach Out to Someone in Need First
Sometimes the best way out of a tough spot when you feel uncared for is to help someone else out of their tough spot. Yes, it seems counterintuitive. It seems like it would drain all of your life energy, only making your situation worse. But deep in our genetic makeup is not only the need to receive good things but also to give them.
This shouldn’t be too surprising since we’re made in God’s image and we reflect our Maker when we help others. We were made to do good works.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)
Completely Unique and in His Image
When you feel like no one cares about you, embrace who you are as a person instead of attempting to be someone you’re not. This doesn’t mean you choose sin and explain it away as, “That’s just the way I am.” Rather, it involves a lifetime of self-discovery.
And inside of you are discoveries that rival the greatest discoveries of the earth. You can begin the hard work of finding out why God uniquely created you the way He did. You likely will never know all the answers. We’re dealing with an infinitely knowledgeable God, after all. But, even scratching the surface of why you were created the way you were can be lifechanging,
That self-discovery process will ultimately bloom to its fullest in Heaven—free of all the setbacks and discouragements that are present because of sin. This life with all its pressures and trappings has a way of squeezing the meaning out of us, making us feel useless, unloved, and pointless. Experiencing those feelings isn’t the work of God but the work of Satan. God longs to bring more meaning into our lives, not less.
Eternity with God is where we’ll understand why we were created better than ever before. I imagine the adventure of self-discovery will go on for eternity. You’ll constantly learn more about how you were meant to uniquely reflect God’s glory. All of that to say, don’t buy into the thought that you’re common and worthless. God has made you like no one else and He delights in your uniqueness of person and mission.
Remember that People Don’t Assign Value to You, God Does
Sin has flipped our priorities inside out and upside down. We’re experts at fixating on the things that matter least. Too often, we pursue material things that can be lost in an instant. At the same time, we often don’t value people as we should.
Sometimes, we even go out of our way to devalue others. Maybe we do it because we’re having a bad day or because it’s a misdirected way to feel better about ourselves. It’s also possible that we devalue others because they have a different color of skin, are of a different culture or because they don’t have as much money as we do. Still another possibility is we devalue others in response to them devaluing us.
Regardless of why you may feel devalued, the value (or lack thereof) that people assign to you often is far from accurate. It’s the skewed idea of worth others perceive. But because of sin and our limited understanding as created beings, we don’t get the final say on how valuable people are—God does. He made us. It only stands to reason that He should have the final say, don’t you think?
Ironically, our value because of sin was less than nothing. We rebelled against God and hated Him. We wanted nothing of his ways because darkness and evil were more alluring and attractive once we turned from his goodness and righteousness.
And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. (John 3:19)
But God loved us too much to leave us like we were. All we had earned was eternal judgment and separation from God. But then the unthinkable happened. God sent his one and only perfect Son into the world for our benefit.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
Jesus lived a completely sinless life and died on a cross at the hands of sinful people like ourselves. His death secured eternal life for all who would ask forgiveness from God and follow Him. Humanly speaking, we had no redeeming value or a value that was even far less than nothing. But God, in his unfathomable goodness and kindness chose to think and act differently on our behalf. Since He’s God, He gets to call the shots. And we can all be eternally grateful that He had the final say on our worth instead of us.
Let’s say you have a diamond ring for sale. Everyone in the room says it’s worth very little and they aren’t willing to pay you more than $50 for it. But, just then, a very wealthy man walks into the room and offers you $10,000 for it.
That changes the perspective of the ring’s value quite a bit, wouldn’t you say? Would you even care about all the other peoples’ opinions of the value of the ring at that point? No, you wouldn’t because you’d know the truth. Well, that’s exactly what God did for us through Jesus Christ. He assigned priceless value to each of us. We were all too valuable to Him to be lost to the error of our ways. When you’re feeling down, remember that people don’t assign value to you. God does.
Feelings Aren’t Always Trustworthy
If you’re feeling like no one cares for you, remember that feelings come and go. They aren’t always the most reliable indicators of how our life’s going at the moment. Things, from God’s perspective, may not be going well for us at all but we may feel like they are. Think of the parable Jesus told about the guy who became super-rich and built big barns to hold all of his crops so he could take life easy and forget about God or the needs of others.
It’s equally possible that our life could be going well from God’s perspective, but we’re having a hard time seeing it. Think about Elijah after his successful showdown with the false prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. He felt very depressed and alone. He didn’t feel like he had the strength to go on but God encouraged him and reminded him he wasn’t alone.
Sometimes the truth is that people are way more supportive and appreciative of us than we realize. It could just be that you struggle to see this reality. It could also be that those around you struggle to show you how much they care even though they want to. Emotions can be tricky at times. Ultimately, hold onto what God says instead of how you feel, especially during those low times.
God is Especially Close to Those Who Feel Rejected
A great place to wrap up this article is that God can often do much more with someone who’s struggling than someone who thinks they have it all together. For that reason, try not to fret about how low you’re feeling at the moment (as tough as that is). If you feel like no one cares, ironically, you may be just where God wants you to be. He may be about to show you how much He cares.
We don’t fool God when we attempt to act smug and like we need nothing or no one. God sees right through our charade into the troubling reality of our sin-ruined souls. He knows that, apart from salvation through Jesus, our condition is far worse than we realize.
At least, when we’re broken-hearted, we’re closer to understanding our great need for God. No such thing can happen so long as we arrogantly hold onto the myth of our self-importance or self-adulation. We must first be honest and realize we have issues—quite a lot of them, in fact.
That’s why the Bible says God is close to the brokenhearted. It’s also why Jesus said He came for the spiritually sick. The truth is all of us are spiritually sick. But Jesus can’t help us until we finally realize we’re sick and that we can’t heal ourselves without Him.