I know my time is about to run out. I am 66 years old. I would like to know the truth, but I think I all ready do. My life has been pure hell from the day I was born as my dad cursed me constantly. People have told me though the years I have a black cloud hanging over my head. I be married 4 times and all have been pure hell after a while as it is with this one as she drinks day and night and it is constant hell living with her.
I have been smoking for over 50 years and have tried every thing there is to stop and now I have a tumor on my tongue and was told to quit be doctors. I have had the hiccups day and night for over 2 years been to 15 doctors and they do not know why.I also have A.D.D. I have tried praying to God, fasting, being still, had people pray for me, used prayer cloths, beat my chest, went to a guy who was a deliverance minister, I gave Him my life and would do anything in my power to serve Him. And would do anything, if I understood what to do.. If I knew and had been taught this, I would have lived my life differently for sure! As I have found out to late that there is only one power, had I been born to different parents my life would have been different.
I do not want to be lost forever, just thinking about it makes me cry. All I do day and night is think about him and things get worst every day. It says ” as a man think in his heart so he is” I know in my heart I am a no good for nothing piece of crap and I hate myself, I was born no good and God hates me, I set an tremble at the thought of dying without know Him, if He would only tell me why,or what my ancestors done I would try to make it right or ask again for mercy. It says in Romans that it not of him who wills or runs it who God shows mercy. I believe I am a vessel of destructing! It says \”life and death are in the power of the tongue and I am damming myself for telling the truth! And 4 women can\’t be wrong and all those others can\’t either, including my dad as He never curse my brother and sister like he did me, as they all say I am not fit for the dung pile. Jesus said there would be gnashing of teeth and mine are worn out from it, He also said it would be !
better than some were not born, and I wish I wasn’t. It is hard to love a God who would do all this to me for no reason, at least Job knew God, I do not,but I am no one to question Him. I guess it would no make any difference what I do as far as He is concerned, if I quit taking my meds or whatever, I will do anything to escape this place if I could. I just cannot walk away and leave my wife with all the bills, please let me know what you think as I think? Why am I not good and will be destroyed? or is there any hope ????Jesus said who ever hears my words and does them, God would send them the Holy Spirit, If I could do what He says,I would not need the Holy Spirit. thank you for your time…and please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself as I don’t and I would die right now if I knew I was not lost…will He remember me in thr resurerection? the old saying everone want to go to heaven but no one wants to die, well I do..now I have two tumors,one on my tounge and one on my adrealnal gland.
Hey, God still loves you. I know you’re like, did this guy read this letter”. I sure did, and I myself had the same issue with my dad. Its already done., you can’t give up., I don’t care if you were 166… God is still in control. I know you said you prayed, etc…, but were you doing it in Faith? While you’re doing all those things you have believe that its taken care of,even when it looks like it isn’t. Sob stores and pitty don’t move the hand of God. Praise does. So I advise you to GET UP AN THANK GOD FOR YOUR 66 YEARS OF LIFE, AND SMACK THE DEVIL IN THE FACE BY TELLING HIM ITS ALREADY DONE AND HE CAN’T HOLD YOU TO THOSE EMOTIONS ANYMORE!! I’ll PRAY YOUR STRENGTH IN THE LORD. BE BLESSED..
I pray to Him day and night and praise Him for everything that has happened to me and it happening to me and thank Him everyday,and say “THY WILL BE DONE NOT MINE”!!!May your right I have no faith and I pray fot that too! Believe me I tried all that I know to do! I quit breathing about 15 to 20 times a day,when I hiccup and the VERY SCARY,as I don’t know if I will take another breath,and I thank Him when I do, and I not on a pitty pot, I and just telling the truth..thank you for your time replying….charley stark
I read this and my heart goes out to you! I can relate to all that you have said! I have been married four times. I dealt with verbal abuse from both my mother and father. Also my sister. I wasn’t wanted by eather parent.. I was concieved out of my father being drunk and my mother running to the bathroom to try and flush me out with spermacidal foam but They say I was to quick. Then they would laugh! My sister always told me that mom and dad loved her and not me and that she was wanted and I wasnt. I can’t make a relationship work if I wanted to. I was raped and was told I was to trusting. Which I was. I just want you to know you are not the only one out there going through hell. There is alot of people out there a lot worse off then us. That is part of what gets me through life. I see little babies beaten and killed and even raped from the very first weeks of there life. I strongly believe we can blame our parents for things they did or didnt do to the age of 18. After that we have to take resposability for our own lives after that. We can sit and dwell on the past but when you truly ask God to forgive you and he does. You need to let it go. I have a mother now that I never see or talk to. I have a sister i never see or talk to. My father passed away from lung cancer in 2004. But you know what. I am not junk.. God don’t make junk. He loves us and as soon as you let goooo. and let him…. You will improve. He forgives you. He loves you. He loves unconditionaly. I felt the same way you have that he is punishing you. he isnt. We are punishing our selves by holding on to the hurt and pain of the past. God wants you to let the past go. If you are unhappy you are the one that needs to change that. Take walks and get fresh air. Find things that make you truly happy. I love nature. You need to look at every little blessing that comes your way and not the negative things. Then thank God for the small things. God does help those who help them selves. If you don’t let go…. You are bringing your own misery. You may have tumors but you are still alive. If you are un happy with your wife… then leave. The bills should not stop you. You need to change your life and you are the only one that can. You married before and left… you can seperate and still share the bills. You read the bible but do you understand that god never leaves you or me. He does not punish us. and when it is bad and we dont understand why it isnt getting any better after praying feverishly… then take a look at what you are doing about the situation. YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE PAST FOR ONE> YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF!Take baby steps to get to where you want to be in life. Cherish the small things and always thank god for the small as well as the big things…. You are in my prayers.
I know my time is about to run out. I am 66 years old. I would like to know the truth, but I think I all ready do. My life has been pure hell from the day I was born as my dad cursed me constantly. People have told me though the years I have a black cloud hanging over my head. I be married 4 times and all have been pure hell after a while as it is with this one as she drinks day and night and it is constant hell living with her.
I have been smoking for over 50 years and have tried every thing there is to stop and now I have a tumor on my tongue and was told to quit be doctors. I have had the hiccups day and night for over 2 years been to 15 doctors and they do not know why.I also have A.D.D. I have tried praying to God, fasting, being still, had people pray for me, used prayer cloths, beat my chest, went to a guy who was a deliverance minister, I gave Him my life and would do anything in my power to serve Him. And would do anything, if I understood what to do.. If I knew and had been taught this, I would have lived my life differently for sure! As I have found out to late that there is only one power, had I been born to different parents my life would have been different.
I do not want to be lost forever, just thinking about it makes me cry. All I do day and night is think about him and things get worst every day. It says ” as a man think in his heart so he is” I know in my heart I am a no good for nothing piece of crap and I hate myself, I was born no good and God hates me, I set an tremble at the thought of dying without know Him, if He would only tell me why,or what my ancestors done I would try to make it right or ask again for mercy. It says in Romans that it not of him who wills or runs it who God shows mercy. I believe I am a vessel of destructing! It says \”life and death are in the power of the tongue and I am damming myself for telling the truth! And 4 women can\’t be wrong and all those others can\’t either, including my dad as He never curse my brother and sister like he did me, as they all say I am not fit for the dung pile. Jesus said there would be gnashing of teeth and mine are worn out from it, He also said it would be !
better than some were not born, and I wish I wasn’t. It is hard to love a God who would do all this to me for no reason, at least Job knew God, I do not,but I am no one to question Him. I guess it would no make any difference what I do as far as He is concerned, if I quit taking my meds or whatever, I will do anything to escape this place if I could. I just cannot walk away and leave my wife with all the bills, please let me know what you think as I think? Why am I not good and will be destroyed? or is there any hope ????Jesus said who ever hears my words and does them, God would send them the Holy Spirit, If I could do what He says,I would not need the Holy Spirit. thank you for your time…and please do not think I am feeling sorry for myself as I don’t and I would die right now if I knew I was not lost…will He remember me in thr resurerection? the old saying everone want to go to heaven but no one wants to die, well I do..now I have two tumors,one on my tounge and one on my adrealnal gland.
Hey, God still loves you. I know you’re like, did this guy read this letter”. I sure did, and I myself had the same issue with my dad. Its already done., you can’t give up., I don’t care if you were 166… God is still in control. I know you said you prayed, etc…, but were you doing it in Faith? While you’re doing all those things you have believe that its taken care of,even when it looks like it isn’t. Sob stores and pitty don’t move the hand of God. Praise does. So I advise you to GET UP AN THANK GOD FOR YOUR 66 YEARS OF LIFE, AND SMACK THE DEVIL IN THE FACE BY TELLING HIM ITS ALREADY DONE AND HE CAN’T HOLD YOU TO THOSE EMOTIONS ANYMORE!! I’ll PRAY YOUR STRENGTH IN THE LORD. BE BLESSED..
I pray to Him day and night and praise Him for everything that has happened to me and it happening to me and thank Him everyday,and say “THY WILL BE DONE NOT MINE”!!!May your right I have no faith and I pray fot that too! Believe me I tried all that I know to do! I quit breathing about 15 to 20 times a day,when I hiccup and the VERY SCARY,as I don’t know if I will take another breath,and I thank Him when I do, and I not on a pitty pot, I and just telling the truth..thank you for your time replying….charley stark
I read this and my heart goes out to you! I can relate to all that you have said! I have been married four times. I dealt with verbal abuse from both my mother and father. Also my sister. I wasn’t wanted by eather parent.. I was concieved out of my father being drunk and my mother running to the bathroom to try and flush me out with spermacidal foam but They say I was to quick. Then they would laugh! My sister always told me that mom and dad loved her and not me and that she was wanted and I wasnt. I can’t make a relationship work if I wanted to. I was raped and was told I was to trusting. Which I was. I just want you to know you are not the only one out there going through hell. There is alot of people out there a lot worse off then us. That is part of what gets me through life. I see little babies beaten and killed and even raped from the very first weeks of there life. I strongly believe we can blame our parents for things they did or didnt do to the age of 18. After that we have to take resposability for our own lives after that. We can sit and dwell on the past but when you truly ask God to forgive you and he does. You need to let it go. I have a mother now that I never see or talk to. I have a sister i never see or talk to. My father passed away from lung cancer in 2004. But you know what. I am not junk.. God don’t make junk. He loves us and as soon as you let goooo. and let him…. You will improve. He forgives you. He loves you. He loves unconditionaly. I felt the same way you have that he is punishing you. he isnt. We are punishing our selves by holding on to the hurt and pain of the past. God wants you to let the past go. If you are unhappy you are the one that needs to change that. Take walks and get fresh air. Find things that make you truly happy. I love nature. You need to look at every little blessing that comes your way and not the negative things. Then thank God for the small things. God does help those who help them selves. If you don’t let go…. You are bringing your own misery. You may have tumors but you are still alive. If you are un happy with your wife… then leave. The bills should not stop you. You need to change your life and you are the only one that can. You married before and left… you can seperate and still share the bills. You read the bible but do you understand that god never leaves you or me. He does not punish us. and when it is bad and we dont understand why it isnt getting any better after praying feverishly… then take a look at what you are doing about the situation. YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE PAST FOR ONE> YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF!Take baby steps to get to where you want to be in life. Cherish the small things and always thank god for the small as well as the big things…. You are in my prayers.